Tuesday, September 17, 2013

36 Weeks.... My Wall

I am 36 weeks pregnant.  I am fat.  I have hit my wall.

This has been an incredibly easy pregnancy.  The easiest.  I've felt great, I've been happy, it's been awesome.

Somehow, seemingly overnight, I'm suddenly ready to be done.  I'm super uncomfortable.  I'm ready to be skinny.  I'm exhausted.

Then I think about actually having a second child and I panic a little.  I adore my Lexsi, and most of the time we get along famously.  But what about those days when she gives me a serious run for my money?  What am I going to do if she's throwing fits and Mia is hungry and crying and I'm just one person?  How do I take care of two little girls at once?  And I do mean little.  Less than 20 months apart is CLOSE.  I must be crazy, right?

And yet, in the same moment, I'm already looking forward to having more kids.  I'm out of control.

At the doctor yesterday, we discussed pros and cons of a C-Section versus a VBAC.  I found out the chances of me actually having a successful VBAC are only 30%.  And that would be if I went into labor by my due date and Mia was little.  BUT... that's not likely.  She's suddenly estimated to be a whole POUND bigger than she was just a week ago (she's up to a little over 6 pounds now), and I'm still not dilated.  So by the time I actually ever went into labor on my own (which, somehow, I can't imagine happening earlier than like 41 weeks?) she'd be a fatty and wouldn't make it past my tailbone anyway.  DJ and I decided it was just best to go with a C-Section again.  It's good and bad.  I'm glad I can just schedule it and be done {October 7th is likely the day-- I'll schedule it next Monday!}, and I'm glad I don't have to worry about labor.  And pushing.  And all that yuckiness.  Just one little incision and I'm good to go.    I suppose I can't really worry about the number of kids I'll be able to have, cause I have no idea.  Some people can have 3 C-Sections, some can have 10.  It's frustrating to me that my body gives me such issues.  First, it took nearly 2 years for me to even get pregnant with Lex.  Then I have to have C-Sections cause I have a big tail bone... what the?  If I had just had a C-Section cause she was big or something, I could totally do a VBAC and have a 90% chance of success.  But my weirdo tailbone throws a wrench in things.  Oh well, what can you really do but put a smile on and be grateful for these little girls Heavenly Father is blessing me with?

And now.  Let's talk about being fat for a minute.  When I got pregnant with Mia, I was about 15 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Lexsi.  I've gained less weight this time around, but I'm to the point where I weigh more than I ever have in my life.  Scary.  The thing is, I still totally fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans.  I'm just barely getting to the point that I have to stop wearing non-maternity shirts cause my stomach is too big.  I think a good amount of the weight is water weight-- in the past week I've noticed my feet and hands feel swollen.  And look it, along with my face.  So hopefully that just comes off quickly.  I'm totally prepared with my workout regime for as soon as I can work out.  Oh, working out after a C-Section... it's ridiculous how little you can do after your abdomen has been cut open.  Haha!

Just for kicks, I decided to compare what I looked like with Lex and Mia at the same point:

Pretty much the same, I think.  So the fact that I weigh more this time doesn't REALLY matter, I suppose-- I'll work and get skinny again regardless.  No need to stress over a number, right?

All in all, life is good.  I'm just grateful I have less than 3 weeks of this pregnancy left!


  1. Ashleigh, I think you look amazing! I totally get FEELING like you're fat (I'm there already and I'm only 3 1/2 months along), but I hope you know that all of us on the outside looking at you think you look beautiful and adorably pregnant. And in less than a month all that water weight will start to go away, and you will have birthed a beautiful baby and will have more than enough time to lose any extra weight. :)

    1. Thanks, Megan! I am sooo excited to have this little girl-- it totally makes the weight worth it :)