Thursday, July 28, 2011

Maggots: A Life Lesson Learned the Hard Way

Today I was sitting at work when my cell phone started ringing.  I saw the call was from Zac, and I wondered what randomness he was going to have to tell me this time.  His phone calls to me usually consist of his latest purchase, telling me he needs a haircut, help styling his hair, etc.  So, you know, I was a little taken back when the conversation when like this:

Me:  Hello?
Zac: My kitchen is infested with maggots!  What do I do?
Me: ummm.... excuse me???

Zac:  My kitchen!  It has maggots all over it!!!

Yeah, folks, this is real, not a crazy dream or a scene from a horror movie.  I tried to figure out what was going on as calmly as I could from my desk in Lindon while both my teenage brothers were freaking out in Provo.  It took a while to get the story straight because the conversation kept being interrupted by outbursts of, "AH!  There's a ton under this rug!" or, "I think I'm going to barf!!!"  but in the end this is what I discovered:

Matt got up this morning, took the dog out, and decided to eat some yogurt.  He pulled the lid off and was going to throw it away in the garbage.  When he opened the garbage lid, there was a sudden outpouring of maggots accompanied by hissing.  Apparently maggots don't take to kindly to you intruding in their personal [ie: garbage can] space.  A bunch had come out of the can, and made there way to the underside of all the rugs in the kitchen.  Matt freaked out, Zac saw what was happening and he freaked out, they tried to call my parents, but they're in Seattle at a wedding and their phones were off, so I was the next on the list.  At first I suggested they spray the maggots with some kind cleaning spray to kill them, and Zac tried but he claimed it just gave them "super speed" and made them go even faster to the rugs.  I probably told him 10 times to take the garbage can outside before it finally happened.  Naturally, neither of them wanted to actually pick up the source of the problem!  In the end, I told them to put shoes on and stomp on the rugs (as soon as they lifted the rugs the maggots would scatter) and then they could sweep up all the dead maggots from underneath, clean off the underside of the rugs and wash them.  I then left work, went to Wal-Mart for a new garbage can and some bug spray, and headed to the crime scene.  I came into the kitchen and saw my two brothers shirtless (they had taken off their shirts and turned out their pockets so the maggots couldn't secretly get on them without them knowing) sweeping and mopping the floor.  Apparently my stomp-them-out method did the trick.  The garbage can is currently on the curb, waiting for DJ to take it to a dumpster.

Here are the lessons we can learn from this experience:

#1-  It's fly season, people!  Get yourself a fly swatter so the flies can't make a home in your garbage.
#2- Make sure the fly is ACTUALLY DEAD before throwing it away.
#3- EMPTY YOUR FREAKING GARBAGE!  I'm seriously going to empty mine like every other day now.                No maggots in this house, thank you very much!
#4-  Even if you JUST took out the trash, if you decide to cut up a watermelon and get rid of the rinds, throw away rotten/moldy/old food, or anything else that will potentially be yucky and stinky, TAKE IT OUT AGAIN!  It's not worth letting flies hatch their nasty babies in there.  It's worth the price of a garbage bag to have peace of mind.

A couple last items:

1- Both my brothers have sworn off rice, probably forever.  Think about it.

2- I'm willing to bet 99% of you empty your garbage after reading this.


  1. most disgusting thing of my life.

  2. LOL I was cracking up reading this, probably because I was imagining my own little brother's doing the same thing! It'd be disgusting and traumatizing if it happened to me, but since it happened to someone else, it's funny. ;)